A Cautionary Tale About Angering Reyna on October 31st
by BluePhoenixFeathers
Summary: Jason Grace, son of Jupiter, child of Rome, consul to demigods, slayer of the Trojan sea monster, destroyer of the Titan Krios, and praetor of the First Legion is mortally terrified of Halloween and everything to do about it. Someone get Reyna some aspirin. Oneshot. OOC! Jason and OOC! Reyna. Jason/Reyna. Belated giftfic for whycamillewhy.


Disclaimer: The PJO series and the Heroes of Olympus series do not belong to me. None of the characters do either. Rights go to Mr. Riordan.

Caution: OOC!Jason, probably OOC!Reyna, fluff, badly done romance, Jason/Reyna (this part is for Jason x Piper fans), unbeta'd, and probably lots of cliches. This is also my second fic, and my first romance one too, so if I butcher Jason and Reyna's romantic *cough* interactions, feel free to tell me. (It is, actually, intentionally butchered to be funnier.)

**_Also, spoilers for anyone that has not finished The Lost Hero._ **

This fic is a really, really, belated giftfic for my good friend whycamillewhy, previously Foreverintheshade. Please go read her stories! She's also a big fan of the Jason/Reyna pairing. (I personally also prefer it over Jason/Piper).

This fic's timeline is during the PJO series and before the Heroes of Olympus series starts.

* * *

If Reyna, at the tender age of ten, had been informed that she'd have to deal with Jason Grace, and all the stupidity that clung to him, as if he had been (_and still is_) some sort of abnormal magnet...

She'd have stayed on the pirate ship. Or possibly joined the Amazons. She could have had more minions, excuse me, _subordinates_, to command.

No question about that.

But, due to being a naïve little girl (no one could call her that in her current position), she had joined Camp Jupiter.

That, Reyna muses, had been the most appalling tactical error she had ever made in her entire life. It had been that bad.

It trumped the time a Trivia child in the Fifth Cohort decided to animate one of the dilapidated prophecy teddy bears. He embellished it: red, bloodthirsty eyes, sharp fangs, and the same dagger used to maim it, then commanded it to give Octavian and the First Cohort a little nighttime visit.

Needless to say, the damage repairs lasted three months.

But this...

"Reyna, I'm begging you. Please, please, just let me stay in my house for the day. Just one day out of three hundred sixty five, right?"

Reyna feels a headache coming on. The enemy could exploit Jason's stupid fear of Halloween and everything to do about it. She had only learned about it _this very year_. Apparently, he had been hiding it ever since he came to camp.

(Oh, they'd be in big trouble if Saturn decides to launch an assault today. Her spies say nothing, though, so the camp could rest peacefully for another day. Maybe. The last spy had returned as ashes in a very nice vase.)

"There are three hundred sixty six days in a leap year, Grace," Reyna snaps, not glancing up from the centurion reports.

"This year's not a leap year," Jason insists. "I get that my stupid fear of Halloween is just hurting our morale and shames my role as co-leader of Camp Jupiter and all that military stuff you spout just to seem praetor-ish, but it hurts me as much as it does you and everyone else in camp. It's not _fun _to be scared of Halloween. It's not great for my manly image anyways."

Jason's trying to do a puppy-dog face.

Reyna resists the urge to tell him that it seemed more as if he suddenly developed constipation. She also resists the urge to set Aurum and Argentum on him to see if _they'd_ appreciate that face.

Jason relaxes his facial muscles, much to Reyna's relief, and says, "C'mon, Reyna. Everyone has irrational fears. Fears of airplanes, of heights, of being chased by Krios in spandex."

Reyna opens her mouth, and then closes it. That _is_a rather horrifying image.

"All right," she says finally, "and I'm supposed to…"

Jason's face proceeds to light up, as if he suddenly has a marvelous, brilliant idea.

Reyna shudders.

"Just…keep me company throughout the day, all right? I just need the emotional support. Not that you're a cuddly teddy bear or anything. In fact, you're a complete statue. Less expressive though."

Reyna ignores the illogical sting she felt at the statue part, but continues, "Not an option, Grace. I still have all these reports to go through, and then I have to meet-

"Please." Jason seems nervous, and _oh gods_, is he blushing? "I'll do the rest of the year's denarii accounting. I'll even go see Octavian in your place for this month's centurion report."

Jupiter Almighty, darn you for cursing us to elect a praetor that actually _blushed_. Though, it is sort of cute-

_Oh, Mars_!_ The infection is spreading._

"Fine," says Reyna grudgingly. "One day, Grace, you hear me? _One day_."

"Sure," says Jason brightly. He pulls her out by the hand, and Reyna ignores the tingle that spread through her body. Stupid son of Jupiter. Constantly giving out static. Even though static didn't feel so…good.

* * *

The second they set foot out of the principia, Jason hides behind Reyna.

"Reyna, stab the thing. Stab it! It's going to eat you! I'm not going to lose you!"

Reyna loses her patience. "Jason, that's the guard! He's dressed as a _mummy_. It's not a real mummy. People dress up in costumes. Costumes are not real. Get it?"

Jason nods his head, still pale, and says, "Sorry, Reyna. But I'm on my guard, just as you always say to be."

The guard seems as if he's going to laugh, but Reyna's patented Death Glare Variation #1031: Oh-Gods-She's-Going-To-Strangle-Me-In-My-Sleep-Usi ng-Only-Toilet-Paper-And-Floss immediately silences him.

They shuffle along after that, the silence usually punctuated by cheerful tidbits from Jason and rather sharp retorts from Reyna.

Until Bobby comes onto the scene.

* * *

Reyna regrets letting the demigods dress in costumes for the day. Not only did it let them be susceptible to injuries due to their conspicuous absence of any form of armor or protection, they seem to give the demigods the illusion of being safe from her authority *cough*tyranny*cough*.

"OhmyholyMars it's after me! Reyna, get it off!"

Reyna glares at the chortling Bobby, then practically ripp the paper bat taped to Jason's head off, alongside most of his scalp. As Jason moans in pain on the ground, Reyna turns and pulls her dagger on the other boy.

"You have five seconds, Bobby. I'm starting from four."

"Reyna, it's just a-

"GO!"

Bobby proceeds to scramble off in his vampire costume. Or strategically retreat, as he shouts to her.

"Get up, Grace," says Reyna, prodding him in the side using her pointy, steel-tipped shoe.

Jason groans again. "I can practically feel the love."

Is there any particular reason she turns red, _again_? She vents her confusion by prodding him some more.

"All right, all right, I'm up, I'm up," said Jason, massaging his side.

"Good," said Reyna. "Because if you continue acting so idiotic, you're going the opposite direction. Into Pluto's realm, and he's going to be very happy to get his hands on you after the last stunt you pulled. Got it?"

They continue on, no interruptions, after that.

* * *

Reyna regrets many things. She regrets letting the demigods dress in costumes. She regrets ever recommending Moron Extraordinaire Jason Grace for the position of Fifth Cohort centurion, then praetor.

_But you didn't do it because he's Einstein Jr., correct?_ the nasty voice in her head says.

_Shut up, _she tells it. _All commanders are prone to miscalculations._

_He's not a miscalculation, _the voice retorts.

If she dies of humiliation, she's going to drag Grace along too. The camp couldn't survive a month by having him in charge.

_Actually_, _m__y expectations are rather unfair. The camp couldn't survive a day_.

And the sad part is, she isn't exaggerating.

* * *

They also come across a girl from the Fourth Cohort called Sammy, dressing up as a creepy girl from one of those generic horror movies. Actually, it might be vice-versa. She creeps up behind Jason, then says in a hoarse voice in his ear, "You're my next vict-

She never really gets to finish that sentence, because Jason promptly turns and jolts her using about five hundred volts of electricity.

After apologizing to a rather dazed Sammy, and cheerfully commenting that at least her costume is successful in scaring him, Jason begins to babble something about horses and bubblegum. (Reyna really has no desire to understand the terror that is the mind of Jason Grace).

Inside _her _head, Reyna counts to three, trying to calm herself before she channels Brutus' spirit and reenacts the famous death of Julius Caesar on Sammy. Or forces her to clean up Hannibal the elephant's messes for a month.

Jason's a tiring person to babysit.

* * *

Reyna really has no idea as to the place they're going, but Jason seems to be leading her to a hill commanding a beautiful sight of the Field of Mars. The sun seems to be setting, and far in the distance, in the city, she can see children dressed up in costumes. They bang on doors, requesting candy.

The thought occurs to her that she's never actually gone to have some fun, before on October 31. There's constantly been papers to file, meetings to attend, and incompetent demigods to yell at. Besides. It isn't as if she was really missing anything. She forces her gaze from the smiling children and turns to Jason, the moron having a goofy, idiotic grin on his face. Reyna resists the urge to go terrorize small children in the face of such astoundingly stupid happiness.

He sits on the grass, patting the spot next to him. Reyna grudgingly sits too, noting quietly the comfort of the soft grass compared to her hard, cold praetor chair. She then berates herself for such un-praetorly thoughts. A breeze starts up, rustling through her long braid, and it feels cool and pleasant. Her shoulders relax from their ever-present, perfect form and the light melts the sternness off her face.

Jason turns to her. His face seems luminescent in the dim light of the sun and he's dropped the moronic smile. He almost seems…handsome.

_Oh gods, no._

"So," he says softly. "Are you going out this year?"

Reyna stares at him. "I've _never_ gone trick-or-treating before, Grace. And it doesn't seem as if there's much purpose to it. All the demigods do is get fat off of candy, or groan to me that all the veteran demigods only give out raisins and dentist mints."

Jason slaps his face. "No, I mean…Arrghhh…it's so hard to have a conversation and open up to you!"

Reyna stands up. Strangely enough, she doesn't really have any desire to leave. "If it's so hard to open your mouth and form the sentences, I guess I'll just go." _Besides, I believe "opening up" to Jason Grace might result in me catching a case of stupid. Though, all right, he's not _that _stupid_.

"No, give me a second!" says Jason, hysterically, pulling her to the grass again. "Sorry. It's just…you really don't seem to appreciate my presence. I get I kind of act stupid sometimes, but…did I do something?"

Reyna feels something soften inside her. "Not really, Jason. Sorry. I guess I come off as a bit harsh sometimes."

"A bit? Ouch! You didn't have to punch me that hard!"

Reyna laughs softly. Jason glances at her, and there was something in his gaze that gives her a tingly feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"You...really should laugh more. You have a nice laugh."

"And your laugh sounds as if a dying monster got repeatedly punched in the stomach to the tune of the Happy Birthday song."

Jason laughs. Then says, "oh, shoot, I just proved you right."

"In any situation I'm 100% right, Grace."

Then they both start laughing, and, through some strange magic, Reyna feels as if a great burden has been removed from her shoulders. There aren't any more reports to read or papers to sign, no having to intimidate conniving, manipulative centurions. No more funerals, no more faces of her dying and dead friends. The battles against Saturn seem to have disappeared, if only for the time being.

"Hey, Reyna," Jason says, shyly. "Trick or treat?"

Reyna is tempted to tell him that any candy she gives him, she'd probably have laxatives put in it beforehand. "I don't have any cand-

Then, there's something cool and dry touching her mouth, and it's a couple of seconds before she realizes that it's Jason's lips, and he's kissing her. There's no fancy pyrotechnics, there's no flying sensation, and doves aren't chirping, but her head feels light, and his lips are soft, and she lets it happen. His mouth is the taste of toothpaste and his burger at lunch, and the combination is so disgusting she feels as if she's either going to laugh or vomit.

It lasts for a couple more seconds, and then he pulls from her. He has a brilliant blush, and he's smiling, but it isn't mushy or lovey-dovey. Just a nervous smile that causes Reyna's lips to tug up into a small smile too. Reyna about 99.5% sure this is going to end in tragedy, but at the moment she can't bring herself to care.

"So…" Jason begins, scratching his head, "you change your mind about going trick-or-treating today?"

"I'd enjoy that," Reyna says softly. Then her face changes. "Hold on. Had that entire "keeping you company thing" just been a contrived plan to kiss me?"

Jason scratches his head. Again. Reyna's starting to believe that he has lice, and she suddenly got infected. It's the only reason to explain her insane behavior. "Uh, hehe. Yeah?"

"So," Reyna says calmly, rising, and unsheathing her dagger again. Her face could give Jupiter reason to pee his godly pants. "Because of your plan, I still have plenty of centurion reports to read, more denarii to count, and more papers to sign."

Jason lets out a tiny sob/snivel, but vehemently pledges later to anyone that can bear to listen that it is a "manly sound of anxiety".

"Are you even scared of Halloween?!"

"No!" Jason squeals. Loudly. "I mean, yes…I still am, but I did plan to lead you up here…" At the murderous expression on Reyna's face, he rapidly amends. "I'm still going to do the denarii accounting! And go to Octavian for his centurion report! I'll even clean the toilets!"

"I'm going to strangle you using your bloody entrails, and those...I'll tear them out using my _bare hands_."

Jason jumps up and runs.

Surely this is true love.

* * *

This fic is probably better as a Percabeth fic. The personalities fit much better. Though I believe Jason in the actual series isn't really that developed or interesting as a character. Not his fault though. He just doesn't have as fleshed-out a personality, as, say, Percy or Leo. Constructive criticism is much appreciated.

*Also, in no form or fashion do I believe abuse is all right if it's female on male. It shouldn't suddenly become bad/evil if Reyna and Jason's genders are reversed. Double standards are bad. This is a sadistic OOC! parody of Reyna that delights in spreading her tyranny, seeding misery, and inflicting cartoony injuries on her minions, be they girl or boy.

**People do have real life phobias that may seem irrational, stupid, or silly but please understand that even if it might be annoying having to deal, it is about ten times as unpleasant for them.


End file.
